Uber down next to where Tin Pan was BITD

I shagged a fat bird recently, god forgive me for being crude, but she was fat. Anyway When she left I noticed that she shat a little bit on my bed. “Oh for fucks sake”  I thought….. Ill come back to this in a minute.

Uber down next to 7Th Heaven serves up a fucking amazing burger and chips for £4.50. The bar staff minge is “so so” but the sluts that come in for a drink OMFG they are good. They work in Frasers and 7th Heaven And its good fun guessing who the tarty cows are that  dance for money and….. who works in 7th Heaven.

Look at that £4.50. Amazing.

Anyway back to the fat bird I shagged. My mate said to me ” So you just rode her missionary and she shat the bed?” I said “no, she was on top all night”…

rating ****

Solid Rock Cafe, City Centre

Burger and chips £4.50

Tap water: Fuck all.

I went in and was half heartedly greeted by a tattoed gothy looking chick that could barely even bring herself to serve me, not even a fuckin grunt off this this miserable cow. She must have been pissed off that Id distracted he from self harm for five minuetes or something.

Man, Id loved to have banged that dirty miserable goth till her tattoos sweated off.

So after a long wait I got this muck. My guts are fucking killing me now.

Look at that wee bit lecture making a run for it. It had the right fuckin idea. But I wanted my five a day so I scoffed it all. Plate had big finger prints and everything over it. Rank.

Overall place is fucking manky, Birds are pumpable if you don’t mind them trying to drink your blood or something. Why do pumpable birds do that to themselves? Idiots. You are better off with a MacDonalds. Thats how shite it was.

Rating *

The Lansdowne up the West End of Glasgow

Who doesn’t like getting out their tits? Every cunt loves it! And if your working in the Lansdowne you can get fucked up and still serve my lunch! Yippee for skunk and stingy pub owners only paying minimum wage!

Oh look! There its there! hidden down some fuckin stairs

I went up the Lansdowne today for lunch. Its a nice pub and serves nice food. Its off Great Westeren Road down a side street.  You would problly only go if some cunt told you where it was. Your hardly going to just walk by it. Unless of course you stayed at number 8 cause the Lansdowne is at 7 Lansdowne Cresent.

Anyway our waiter, a decent mong, put his MDNA down for 2 mins to get me fish chips and mushy peas and a poofy wee latte. The mushy peas were pish.

Thats what i got.

Food came pretty quick and it was good of stoner to take a brake from reminiscing about T in the park and horse tranquiliser for 30 seconds to bring the scran out.

Sadly there are no decent birds working there , and even when I’ve been in at the weekends at nights its the same. One old bird works there shes no bad, but she is like a poor mans Charlene Spiteri, ie dogs.

Overall its a nice place for a drink and the foods good to and the service is friendly. Bogs are alright. Shite for letching at birds.

Rating ***